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Little Miss Sinister

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[27 Sep 2006|03:30pm]
[ mood | Surprised ]

Today was kind of hectic and good at the same time. We had a two hour delay, which meant everyone could sleep in. Woohoo.

Steven replied back to the dead letter, and it made me very happy. This is what the note said, and yeah, a lot of it is said in context ((SiC)) because I'm trying to copy it exactly:

Ally,

hey sexy how are you? I told you i'd write you a note explaneing how I feel for you so here goes...when I first started talking to you we were just friends and now it's grown int more than a friendship. I've started geting really attached to you and the way you make me feel inside. The note you wrote me yesterday was so sweet and it made me want to cry. Your so adorable and cute, when I hug you it's like being in a whole different place, and it makes me feel like I wish I could stop time and just stay in your arms and see your beautifule smile. Also when ever we're siting there in art class and I put my arm around you and you lay your head on my shoulder it feels like it should be me and you instead of me and Ali. I always got jelouse of CJ because he got to kiss you and I didn't. Plus when we're together in art class when I sit by you or you sit by me we look at eachother whether we stare at each other for a long time or a short amount of time it makes me want to kiss you even though i'm dating someone. I know it would never happen w/ me dating Ali; even though I like you more than I like her. Even if we did date I want you to know that I wouldn't try to get down your pants because your saveing your self for marage and I respect that, and I also wouldn't do anything sexual with out your permision. Also to some everything up the more I get to know you the more I fall for you so when I tell you I love you I mean every word of it. Well gorgeous it's 11:00 and i've told you everything so this is were my letter ends.

LOVE 4-EVER
Steven Blair

P.S. Let me know how you feel about all i've said. I hope I don't freak you out. I love you. XOXO



Eeek, yeah? So today was a pretty damn good day, except CJ is totally avoiding me and won't even look at me, which is fine because he's been telling all of his guy friends to ask me out and he told one of them that I could suck his cock for him, because he doesn't give a fuck since we're not dating anymore. Whatever, he's obviously a backstabber.

3 made beauty stay. |xXx| Take your life.

[26 Sep 2006|05:49pm]
Oh god, this is my third package of chocolate frosted pop-tarts. I'm addicted.

My name is Allyson and I'm a pop-tartaholic.
1 made beauty stay. |xXx| Take your life.

[26 Sep 2006|03:09pm]
[ mood | Awake ]

I broke up with CJ at lunch. I was told by a friend that he said he'd expected it to happen all along, which is kind of retarded because I basically told him that, anyway. I said it wouldn't work out if it kept going at this rate. So, yeah. We're still best friends, though. That's pretty cool. Hugs everywhere.

I yelled at Germmy today. Him and CJ were asking what was wrong because I've been looking pretty dead lately, and I told him to shut up and quit analyzing me. So he asked me to talk to him, and after a moment of silence, he said, "Fine, fuck you too," and he left. We made up later and said I was sorry, I've just been pissed at everything for a long time now.

Also at lunch, I was drinking a strawberry flavored slushie and the principal walked by and said, "Don't drink that slushie!" I asked why and he was like, "Because it makes girls fight!" We've had girl fights in the past, and it only started happening since slushies became popular with everyone. So, anyway, there was some out-of-the-fucking-blue drama and tension involving Ali and Steven. I guess this one chick named Cassidy was randomly talking shit to Steven about his girl, so the people at our table stood up for her and Cassidy and her fatfuck friends got pissy and started yelling at Ali, which was retarded because she was hardly even saying anything. Then they started threatening each other, which was followed by silence. After a long pause, I was like, "It's the damn slushies, I'm telling you!" Everyone laughed and things kind of settled down, though Ali was left confused about where the hell the relationship with Steven was at. They're still together.

Speaking of lovey dovey mushy stuff, I had a very nice talk wth Steven during Art class. I wrote a dead letter to him and decided I'd actually let him read it. It said a lot of fantabulous things about him, and I talked about how I wished there was a way we could be together, and then rambled about how attractive and caring he is. So he finished it and tucked it in his pocket and said, "I'm keeping this." Then I asked what he thought and he looked right at me and said, "Honestly, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." Squeee! And when the class was about to end, he responded to one of the things I wrote in there, which was, 'I wouldn't have a chance with you anyway.' He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "You would have a chance with me if I was single." Ugh, no - the dreaded "if"! Meh, whatever, I was still pretty damn happy.

At the end of the day, Germmy asked if I was dating him and I explained the situation, adding, "No, if I was dating Steven, I would be fucking smiling right now!"

Got interims. Not too bad, compared to last year, I mean. And hell, we're just starting out, I can get it up by then. (... That's not what I meant, you pervert! Gawd.)

Spanish: A
Creative Writing: A
Computer Applications: A
Algebra: C (Started out as an B+ until I failed a test. Meep.)
Art: D-
American History: F
World Literature: F

Yeah...I can work with that. No problem. Have to keep my head up high so I can get this shit done right.

1 made beauty stay. |xXx| Take your life.

[25 Sep 2006|05:37pm]
You know what I'm in love with right now? Chocolate frosted pop-tarts. Fuuuck yeah.
1 made beauty stay. |xXx| Take your life.

[25 Sep 2006|05:04pm]
[ mood | Irked ]

Holy fuck, guys, I think I'm going crazy! I can't make up my mind on anything lately, and I wake up every morning to go through the motions of the day, not really feeling anything. I'm spaced out all the time and I feel like I'm not here. And whenever I realize that there's a little thing called reality to get back to, I'm confused and anti-social. I don't know. I can't seem to stay focused on something long enough to make a choice. Like whether or not I should break up with CJ. I haven't actually given it thought, and I've been asking myself about it for a week!

Ow, dammit! I keep biting my tongue! Fucking Tic-Tacs. I'm addicted to them. And there's two calories per mint. Isn't that weird? It says it on the little box thingy it comes in.

Random, yeah. Ahem.

Don't you hate it when you're about to type something and you get halfway into the sentence before you completely forget what the hell you were going to say? That totally just happened.

So...yeah, I'm crushing on Steven pretty bad right now. Just realized today how much I like him. And yeah, he likes me back, too. We talk about dating each other a lot, I'm just not sure it'll ever happen for real. It's like a little dream I have. We'd be cute together, though. Yeah. And you know, it's becoming even more awkward by the second that his girlfriend's name is the same as mine. It's starting to irk me a tiny bit. Is that strange?

I informed CJ that he's making me feel ignored and unwanted because he never calls or responds to me when I'm in emotional distress. So he said he's going to call me tonight around nine o'clock. All will be well.

Sat with that one kid named Dustin on the bus today. We talked about school, homelife, drama, labels, and my feet being really small. He said that there was one kid who kept dogging on him every day because he says "Hi" to me, and the kid supposedly thinks he likes me. (I was scared to confirm or deny that.) He finally gave me my Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic back. I was so thrilled. We get along pretty well, and he seems like a cool guy. He has an afterschool to serve tomorrow, so I won't see him on the bus. And I figured out he's friends with the other Dustin, the one that screwed me over. I said a little about him, then we moved on. His stop isn't far from the school, so we were saying "Bye" to each other pretty soon. How sad.

There's a kid named Jay that I'm paling around with. He seems cool. He has a band and I designed the logo for it. I might have said this already? Too bad I can't fucking view my entries when I'm done, or else I'd know. Anyway, he's been helping me out. I've gotten close to him and Steven both. It's cool.

Take your life.

[23 Sep 2006|05:49pm]
Lookie what I found!Collapse )
Take your life.

[23 Sep 2006|10:54am]
Fucking hell, I can't do ANYTHING with these Parental Controls! Why the hell are they even here? I don't look at porno or anything!
Take your life.

[22 Sep 2006|03:58pm]
[ mood | Gloomy ]

Okay, VampireFreaks is really not working with me today, so I'll post everything here. Whooo.

My morning was pretty bad because I choked on a Skittle, and then my next class really got me pissed off. It was Philosophical Friday, which is basically where we choose something to talk and think about, so we were discussing tolerance, and we somehow got onto the topic of homosexuals. Pretty much all of the guys said they wanted to kill all the gays or were afraid of them (which I actually laughed at a little), and one of them said, "They worsen society because they don't produce children." I wanted to slap him. (And hell, I could've, he sits right next to me.) Since when can you only contribute to the world by popping out babies?! As if people are useless otherwise! So yeah, that got me really mad. The word "fag" and "queer" was tossed around a lot, and I actually yelled at the kid behind me for saying, "Fag alert! Fag alert!" The teacher was trying to get everyone's opinion and such, and I said even though gays can't have babies, they can adopt them. The guy across from me said that was just stupid, then the bell rang, so I didn't get a chance to punch him in the face. It sucks because I was cool with everyone in there until this came up, now I suddenly want to murder them all when Monday comes around because they're ignorant morons with nothing to say.

Anyway, I'm getting upset by recalling it all over again, so I'll move on.

I talked to Steven about the suicidal thing. He could tell something was wrong with me, and I explained that I've been thinking about killing myself, so he hugged me and I grabbed his hand. (I have this thing with hand holding, it makes me feel good.) He didn't mind, even though we're both taken. (Did I mention I've been dating CJ for a couple weeks now? Steven started dating Ali around the same time I started dating CJ.) It made me feel better, I guess. And he's so sweet, he wrote 'Allyson + Steven BFF + Always' on a scrap of paper and gave it to me. It's pretty. I'm going to hug it every day I wake up like it's a puppy.

Got in trouble three times for showing PDA in the halls with CJ. My god, we can't be left alone! I'm hoping I can see him this weekend. I usually sneak over to his house. Like, we'll say we're going to the mall or gas station and end up in his house instead. AND NO, WE AREN'T FOOLING AROUND! Honestly, I'm not a whore. The only reasons I'm going behind my parents' back is because - One, they don't know I'm dating CJ. Two, they don't know I won't fuck him. And three, they would say "No" if I actually asked about it because of mentioned reasons.

Wow, I just scooped my cat up and he curled into a little fuzzy ball of fluffy black stuff, and I don't even know why. I'm allergic to him.

It rained today. Fit my mood perfectly.

Take your life.

[22 Sep 2006|03:49pm]
Hey, everyone. Um, yeah, I don't really update this journal too much because my Parental Controls won't allow me to go past making an entry, which means I can't view my comments or post elsewhere. I can't even see what my journal entry looks like after I post it! So my most active journal is on VampireFreaks, though that's giving me trouble right now because my Parental Controls keep changing. Sometimes it will let me on and sometimes it won't. Anyway, my username is SynestheticDreamz, exactly like that. I'm the weird looking one that claims an undying hate for homophobia and has weird pirate teddies.
1 made beauty stay. |xXx| Take your life.

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